I made a disturbing discovery about myself the other day, and I feel as though I should share it with you:
There I was, watching my Korean soap opera, drinking a Dr. Pepper, and looking through a knitting magazine. My day had consisted of googling "cute kittens", choosing not to shave my legs, and scanning celeb gossip for a good hour and a half (OMG did you hear that Demi Moore is out of rehab now?) This particular Saturday night (yeah...it was the weekend) had not been one out of my norm. As I paused and looked at my reflection in the silver bag lining my Corn Pops cereal box, I saw staring back at me.....a spinstress.
They say admitting it is the first step, right?
I don't know why this new develop came as such a shock to me. I should have seen the signs long ago:
-I haven't completely blow-dried or remotely straightened my hair in almost two months.
-Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm getting more single by the minute.
-I've begun researching loneliness diseases on webmd.
-Nothing makes me laugh harder than birthday cards featuring old ladies with inappropriate jokes.
-I really really REALLY love cats.
-I'm considering buying Rosetta Stone discs and learning Russian (the official language of spinsters)
-I have a poster of Spike from 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' in my bedroom.
-Every song I hear seems to say, "Hey Sam, remember how you're not dating anyone and you're going to die alone in your room watching 'Anne of Green Gables' and eating tomato soup?"
-I like 'NCIS' (I hear this can be the most telling symptom).
-I have an obscure infatuation with Martin Van Buren.
-I accidentally put a pumice stone in my shopping cart last Wednesday.
-On this same shopping trip, I read the entire synopsis of a saucy romance novel titled 'Juanita's Inhibitions' while waiting in line.
Reader, I fear I've fallen too far into the web that I've spun (carefully spun with 100% Icelandic wool). Your visits to me would be enjoyed, recipes welcomed, and advice about how to remove grape juice stains from bathtubs...always appreciated.
Much love and harmony,
The Swampman.....Spinstress......Swimptress
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| Samantha Florence Reeves, in the year of our Lord 2023 |
oh shammy! i love you and this made me laugh outloud- but i also might give you the stink eye if you continue to talk like this! you are the coolest kid on the block- just wait it out a bit more and you will be doing all these same things- with someone :)
ReplyDeleteMy dear dear Spinstress friend . . . 3 boys, 1 night are we remembering this? Nonetheless being a spinstress sounds like a lot of fun and I did watch a Hugh Jackman movie, watch double dutch YouTube video, and sang several Hello Dolly songs at the top of my lungs last night. Hm . . . maybe it's good we're not living together next year #suckitcharise
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