Thursday, April 19, 2012

life as i have it.

Dear Reader,
I made a disturbing discovery about myself the other day, and I feel as though I should share it with you:
There I was, watching my Korean soap opera, drinking a Dr. Pepper, and looking through a knitting magazine. My day had consisted of googling "cute kittens", choosing not to shave my legs, and scanning celeb gossip for a good hour and a half (OMG did you hear that Demi Moore is out of rehab now?) This particular Saturday night ( was the weekend) had not been one out of my norm. As I paused and looked at my reflection in the silver bag lining my Corn Pops cereal box, I saw staring back at me.....a spinstress.

They say admitting it is the first step, right?

I don't know why this new develop came as such a shock to me. I should have seen the signs long ago:
-I haven't completely blow-dried or remotely straightened my hair in almost two months.
-Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm getting more single by the minute.
-I've begun researching loneliness diseases on webmd.
-Nothing makes me laugh harder than birthday cards featuring old ladies with inappropriate jokes.
-I really really REALLY love cats.
-I'm considering buying Rosetta Stone discs and learning Russian (the official language of spinsters)
-I have a poster of Spike from 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' in my bedroom.
-Every song I hear seems to say, "Hey Sam, remember how you're not dating anyone and you're going to die alone in your room watching 'Anne of Green Gables' and eating tomato soup?"
-I like 'NCIS' (I hear this can be the most telling symptom).
-I have an obscure infatuation with Martin Van Buren.
-I accidentally put a pumice stone in my shopping cart last Wednesday.
-On this same shopping trip, I read the entire synopsis of a saucy romance novel titled 'Juanita's Inhibitions' while waiting in line.

Reader, I fear I've fallen too far into the web that I've spun (carefully spun with 100% Icelandic wool). Your visits to me would be enjoyed, recipes welcomed, and advice about how to remove grape juice stains from bathtubs...always appreciated.
Much love and harmony,
          The Swampman.....Spinstress......Swimptress

Samantha Florence Reeves, in the year of our Lord 2023


  1. oh shammy! i love you and this made me laugh outloud- but i also might give you the stink eye if you continue to talk like this! you are the coolest kid on the block- just wait it out a bit more and you will be doing all these same things- with someone :)

  2. My dear dear Spinstress friend . . . 3 boys, 1 night are we remembering this? Nonetheless being a spinstress sounds like a lot of fun and I did watch a Hugh Jackman movie, watch double dutch YouTube video, and sang several Hello Dolly songs at the top of my lungs last night. Hm . . . maybe it's good we're not living together next year #suckitcharise