Tuesday, April 2, 2013

the art of the break-up.

Dear Reader,
We need to talk. I'm just not feeling right about us anymore. It's not you, it's me. I'm just not ready to settle down in a relationship. I still have feelings for someone else. Remember that girl I met the other day....well...But don't worry, you're wonderful and will find someone else in no time!

We've all heard at least one of these lousy break-up lines at one time or another in our lives.

It comes down to this: break-ups suck. Regardless of the reasoning, they absolutely suck. Today I want to talk a little bit about the art of dealing with a break-up.

1. Dealing with the initial shock
"WTF?? He/She is breaking up with me?? What did I do wrong?? Why are they doing this?? How could they do that to me??" --Okay honey, slow it down a little. Of course when they break the news to you, you have a million questions buzzing around your head. That's totally fine and normal. It's a confusing thing when the relationship goes from seemingly perfect to dead in a matter of seconds. My advice, instead of vomiting up each question as it comes (much like a late night trip to Betos) hold them in and carefully select and word the questions that you REALLY want answers to. But don't you dare ask them what you did wrong, or what you could have done better. They have just made the huge mistake of letting you go, and that doesn't mean you need to become a pitiful helpless being that only needed them to be happy.

2. Don't feel like you need to resolve everything in 5 minutes
It's okay to not feel closure after talking with your now ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. You shouldn't have to take the bad news, rip them apart, forgive them, and decide to be friends all in one fell swoop (you shouldn't be friends with your exes anyways!). Just take the news, be angry and hurt, then leave the situation. It's better to split up each of these steps, so you can go through them with a clear mind.

3. Things left unsaid
There is nothing I hate more than regretting not saying something to the guy breaking my heart. But it's good to take a few days or weeks and think about these things. Take the emotion out of it, and decide what you want them to know. Whether that's how badly they really hurt you, your desire for them to burn in a fiery hell pit, or your hope that you can both find better happiness is totally up to you. In my opinion, it's okay to talk to them again. You can't really get closure without it. Keep it short and unemotional, but say what you need to say so you can get on the path to recovery.

4.  It's okay to hurt
For crying out loud, if someone rips out your heart and steps on it, don't be ashamed to cry. Be sad, be angry, feel it all. I once read an analogy about a glass of water. If your arm is extended and you're asked to hold a heavy glass of water, you could it with ease for a short while. The longer you hold it though, the harder it will be. But if you were to immediately drop the glass of, you would never understand what it feels like to hold it. So go ahead and be upset for a while! But at some point you've got to make the decision to let it go.

5. Coping 101
We all have different ways of coping. Some feel the need to talk to everyone about everything, while others keep to themselves. Some eat away their feelings, while others run out their anger. Each situation is different. Find what works for you.With that, I'm going to share some coping tips that have helped me throughout the years.

Don't start pigging out on pizza, chocolate, or sticks of butter. You'll just feel worse about yourself and your love handles. This is the time to eat the healthiest! When it seems like everything else has gone to pot, eating fresh fruits/vegetables will make you feel like a million bucks. Plus, should you run into your ex in the near future you'll have an extra glow about you instead of an extra chin.

I'm a firm believer in the magic of a break-up playlist. It really helps to have all the hurt and confusion you're feeling put to a catchy tune. I think there's a good song for just about every break-up scenario.

Got a cheater on your hands?
Don't worry, Christina's got your back. This song helps to remind us that the worst part of them cheating on you is the fact that they gave you up.

Did he/she move on first and find the love of their life? 
Thanks Adele. Perfectly said. 


Meant to be together, but it didn't work out? 
Just sit back and indulge in the saddest song ever written.

...And not to mention EVERY girl power song written by Pink or Kelly Clarkson.

Immature acts that make you feel better
-Draw their face on a watermelon and smash it.
-Write everything you hate about them on water balloons and throw them out your window. 
-Dart boards can be very therapeutic.
-Write a long, angry "letter to the other woman (or man)" and mail it to a made-up address. 
-Gather up all of the flowers, teddy bears, love notes, etc that they gave to you and have yourself a little bonfire. 
-Drive past their house and flip them off (Mom, I promise I've never done this...)

Finally, a good excuse to spend money on something fun! Go get your hair done, get a mani/pedi, buy some new shoes, get name brand deli meat, adopt a disabled koala bear, whatever makes you feel better! Now that you're back on the market, you'll need to be looking your very best :)

Reader, the most important thing to remember is to keep your chin up! The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow (I read that on a Crossfit ad today- I felt inspired to get great triceps).  

Can you believe this face just got dumped? Neither can I.
-Your currently broken-hearted, but soon to be independent rockstar, Swampman