Thursday, April 19, 2012

life as i have it.

Dear Reader,
I made a disturbing discovery about myself the other day, and I feel as though I should share it with you:
There I was, watching my Korean soap opera, drinking a Dr. Pepper, and looking through a knitting magazine. My day had consisted of googling "cute kittens", choosing not to shave my legs, and scanning celeb gossip for a good hour and a half (OMG did you hear that Demi Moore is out of rehab now?) This particular Saturday night ( was the weekend) had not been one out of my norm. As I paused and looked at my reflection in the silver bag lining my Corn Pops cereal box, I saw staring back at me.....a spinstress.

They say admitting it is the first step, right?

I don't know why this new develop came as such a shock to me. I should have seen the signs long ago:
-I haven't completely blow-dried or remotely straightened my hair in almost two months.
-Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm getting more single by the minute.
-I've begun researching loneliness diseases on webmd.
-Nothing makes me laugh harder than birthday cards featuring old ladies with inappropriate jokes.
-I really really REALLY love cats.
-I'm considering buying Rosetta Stone discs and learning Russian (the official language of spinsters)
-I have a poster of Spike from 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' in my bedroom.
-Every song I hear seems to say, "Hey Sam, remember how you're not dating anyone and you're going to die alone in your room watching 'Anne of Green Gables' and eating tomato soup?"
-I like 'NCIS' (I hear this can be the most telling symptom).
-I have an obscure infatuation with Martin Van Buren.
-I accidentally put a pumice stone in my shopping cart last Wednesday.
-On this same shopping trip, I read the entire synopsis of a saucy romance novel titled 'Juanita's Inhibitions' while waiting in line.

Reader, I fear I've fallen too far into the web that I've spun (carefully spun with 100% Icelandic wool). Your visits to me would be enjoyed, recipes welcomed, and advice about how to remove grape juice stains from bathtubs...always appreciated.
Much love and harmony,
          The Swampman.....Spinstress......Swimptress

Samantha Florence Reeves, in the year of our Lord 2023

Sunday, April 8, 2012

i am, i am.

Have you ever really thought to yourself, "Who am I?" I find it quite enjoyable to take some time off of studying for exams (playing Mario Kart) and working out (eating Oreos) to think about this. This is what I've come up with concerning who I am:
I am Sam.
Sam I am.
I am a girl.
I am a student at Utah State University. (Go Aggies)
I am an after-school program teacher at Millville Elementary. (Go Cougars)
I am a big advocate for 3 a.m. Macaroni and Cheese. (Kraft only. Don't be giving me that Western Family mulch)
I am a rock.
I am an Island. 
I am skeptical of designer jeans.
I am only now beginning to mourn the death of Amy Winehouse.
I am currently craving celery soup. (I neither like celery nor soup)
I am the future wife of Dwayne Wade.
I am easily distracted by people that hum.
I am really quite photogenic. (see above image)
I am constantly singing "Jump Around" in my head.
I am a wearer of Vans.
I am the owner of 2 copies of "The Lizzie McGuire Movie".
I am slightly addicted to mango lemonade.
I am extremely addicted to "Stairway to Heaven" (fabulous Korean soap opera)
I am a master at singing "Losing My Religion" in an Indian accent.
I am deathly afraid of guy's thighs.
I am awesome at doing jumping jacks across cross walks.
I am a big fan of gettin' thug at least once a week.
I am a protestor against Einstein Bagels closing at 5:30. That's just wrong.
I am easily entertained by watching my calves jiggle as I shake my feet.
I am blonde. Both on the outside, and the inside.
I am a bandwagon Ryan Gosling admirer.
I am the designated insect-killer in my apartment.
I am baffled by wiggle boards.
I am one of those obnoxious people that will correct your ill grammar.
I am that one kid who would cover her hands in rubber cement and play with it at recess.
I am a friend to a large family of ducks that live by my apartment.
And I am a Mormon....(couldn't resist) 

Peace & Love <3 (I just made a heart with one of these < and a 3. Technology is nuts.)
-The Swampman

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

little miss sunshine.

Dear Reader,
I'm in a particularly grand mood today. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and an attractive Asian just walked past me in the library (a very rare occasion indeed). I feel as though I should share the sunshine in my heart and tell you some of the little things in life that just make me simply giddy with joy!

Boys in V-necks. Yum. (I could really end the list here...)
Finding leftovers in my fridge.
When people whistle at awkwardly loud volumes in public places. 
Waking up and realizing it's Saturday.
When windows paint rainbows on the wall.
"Be Calm" by Fun.
Jiggly cankles.
Diet Coke. Duh.
When "Space Jam" is on t.v. at my hotel.
Going to the first day of classes and seeing a gorgeous brown man in my class.
When people use words like "cusp" or "dilly-dallying".
"Marcel the Shell with Shoes on" (a must-see youtube series)
Googling 'cute penguin babies'.
Condescending Wonka tweets (ex. Oh, so you hate Kony? You should go defeat him with a status. That'll help.)
Making fun of overly-liberal hipsters ("I was a vegetarian BEFORE meat was even invented.")
New Lil' Wayne songs.
When Sunny D is on sale at Walmart (Yes, I shop at Walmart)
The plastic man-torso that lives in my apartment.
Bill Cosby.

 <<----------This sloth.

Sports bra Tuesdays. (religiously observed)
When the free song of the day on I-tunes doesn't totally sound like a garage band on pixie sticks.
When that super popular girl in your ward has a hideous picture in the ward directory.
Building blanket forts with Emily Landeen.
When the flirty white guy is working at Cafe Rio and I know I'm gonna get extra chicken on my salad.
Watching Hot Rod and eating very cherry jelly beans.
When my nephew Corgan tells me I'm his best friend.
When people get my Karate Kid II references.
Beating Ludwig Von Koopa in Super Mario World. (Saved the best for last, didn't I?)

Oh how the list could go on. Moral of the story: Be happy ya big dumb idiots! Life is good! There is no excuse for acting like Kristen Stewart on her menstrual cycle. Make a list of things that make you happy and go get yourself a Charleston Chew. (Bet you haven't had one in eons)

-Your ever-snickering Swampman