Sunday, March 11, 2012

sammi's back. tell a friend.

Dear Reader,
           Safe to say it's been a while. Why the sudden return? Perhaps it's my boredom on this lonely Saturday night. Or perhaps it's my overflow of thoughts that is making me a little crazy. Either way, time to blog. 
           I COULD start with a recap of the last 8 months of my life. But you know the story: New school year, new roommates, got a new car, kissed a black guy, and discovered the glory that is Chik-Fil-A.
           I COULD tell you all about how I fell in love for the first time and experienced pure joy; how I had my heart broken for the first time and experienced pure hell. And how I finally moved on and realized that I have my whole fabulous life ahead of me (insert other cheesy "Single Power" quotes to make me sound more satisfied with my life). 
           I COULD go on and on about my obsession with cats; how I kidnapped my neighbors cat on Christmas and told my Mom it was a holiday miracle, how I befriended and continue to feed the ginger kitty that lives in my parking lot, and how I love nothing more than calendars of cats unhappily dressed in embarrassing costumes.
          I COULD tell you all about my new best friend Richard K. Morgan who was born with a heart condition and left brain-damaged as a baby. How he truly is an angel on earth without a negative bone in his body. And how he blew the world away with his sign language performance of "Silent Night" at the special needs' mutual talent show. 
           I COULD brag about how I've unintentionally lost 17 pounds since August. #suck it- I just did
           I COULD write this all in Spanish now.....well, almost.
           I COULD admit to my new love of tanning beds. Yes I know they're terrible and hand out cancer like the old man down the street with his nasty butterscotch candies, but until you've tried it once your opinion is like a Nickelback song: I don't want to hear it.
           I COULD tell you all of my hysterical stories from work. Little Nathan with his constant efforts of professing his love for me, little Karina writing a rap about me when I had the flu and getting us matching electric green slap-bracelets, little Jakobi bragging about his shoe-tying ability because he's from Mallad, and the 20+ times that I have been groped (frighteningly enough, I suspect only 19 were accidents....)
          I COULD tell you about the time when I had tea and crumpets with the late Ringo Starr (note: still determining if this was or was not a dream).
          I COULD go into depth about my anxiety of the bus system. There is just so much to be untrusted; so much unknown. 
         But I'm GOING to blog about something that deserves some awareness (and no, it's not that Kony shiz). It's Soylent Green. I hear it's made of people. Spread the word.

-Faithfully Returning, 
             The Swampman


  1. Samantha Reeves, you truly are one of the funniest people I've ever met. Thank you for entertaining me, even from 100-ish miles away. :)

  2. How do I get on the drop 17 lbs diet?

  3. After Jordan Jeppson and I read this we decided we were going to make it our life goal to be Samantha Reeves! So witty I tell ya!

  4. Laughed out loud at your "holiday miracle" cat. That is bueno.

  5. Well, I don't know you.. But I love you! You are hilarious! Thank you for brightening my day with your witty and entertaining blog. :)

    PS.. Forgive me is this is creepy. I don't really know how I ended up here.. Ain't that the way when you get on Facebook?