stream of consciousness.

Dear Reader,
Oh how I've missed you! Life has kept me fairly busy, and my time for blogging has been bleak. Bleak? What does that even mean? Sounds like an eye disease. Gross. In case you didn't know, my biggest phobia is pink eye. I'm literally terrified of it. If I catch someone rubbing their eye or picking out a gooey substance, I make it a point to not talk to them for a minimum of 48 hours. I sincerely hope they don't take it personally. The last time I had pink eye was over spring break my sophomore year of high school. I spent that entire week eating Craisins and watching "Juno" over and over and over again. Is there anyone more awkward or adorable than Michael Cera? I think not. And while we're being honest here, let's just admit that awkward boys are simply the best. In fact, here I go- The loves of my life: Awkward Edition.

1. Michael Cera
He's been my George-Michael Bluth, my Paulie Bleeker, and my Scott Pilgrim. His face is innocent, but slightly different...like he kinda looks like a cartoon character. He encompasses everything that is awkward...minus being a ginger. Famous for awkwardly saying, "Tongue?" 

2. Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory)
Second only to Adam Brody as being the hottest nerd I've ever laid eyes upon. He's ridiculously skinny and hairy, but I find his inability to shut up rather endearing. Famous for awkwardly saying, "Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors."

3. Neville Longbottom (Harry Potter)
No, not the actor who plays him (Matthew Lewis). He is far too creepy for my taste. I'm talking about dear, sweet, chubby-cheeked Neville who ends up saving the entire wizarding world while Harry plays dead and has tickle fights with Voldie. I'm sure the casting director figured he'd get more normal looking as the years went on...oops. Famous for awkwardly saying, "It doesn't matter that Harry's gone. People die every day. Friends, family. Yeah, we still lost Harry tonight, but he's still with us."

 4. Mike Bibby (NBA)
The baller with a face that only his mother would love. His mother, that is, and Samantha Florence Reeves. He's currently one of the lowest paid players on the Miami Heat, and I can't tell what the heck his race is. And yet, he's my favorite NBA star. Famous for awkwardly saying, "Uh....yo...pass me da ball."

5. Kevin Powell (Hot Rod)
Lovable. More lovable than a beagle puppy. With the body of a 12 year old, and the brain of a 7 year old, Kevin has rightfully earned his spot on my list. His mind is always in a place full of dancing ice cream cones, and he seems to be very happy there. Famous for awkwardly saying, "Hey, Rod, what's that song about a grandma getting run over by a reindeer?"

And there you have it, Reader. My top 5. How I got from pink eye to Kevin remains a mystery to me. Another mystery in my life: Why the heck do Corn Pops come in a metallic bag? All other cereals are packaged in wax paper...there is something truly fishy going on down at Kellog's. Also, Kellog is a grody word. If I were to write a sci-fi novel about a young boy who gets lost on the moon of Krendor, I would name his slimy sidekick Kellog. And who would I get to play the young lad in this tale? Easy. Frankie Muniz. What ever happened to him anyways? Ah hah! Another mystery. I should really quit my job, drop out of school, and become a detective who looks into things that people wonder about on a daily basis but are too afraid to admit. Well there you have it. I've got a new life goal. I'm gonna go get started on mystery number 1- Who writes those funny phrases on Taco Bell sauces?

Til next time,
The Swampman

i'm a belieber.

Dear Reader,
My thoughts today are short and sweet. Deal with it. After a year of resentment it's finally happened: I've got Bieber Fever...and I've got it bad. It started with constantly listening to him during freeze dance with the kids at work. They all love him. The girls, the boys, the punks, the quiet ones, and even my co-workers. So I downloaded a little, and listened to it a lot. Then "Never Say Never" was Redboxed and loved. Oh how it was loved. Girlish screams were heard throughout the room, and to my shock, they were mine. Do I feel slightly creepy? You could say that. I'm definitely past my pre-teen days of obsessing over celebs. But I'm confident in my decision to become a raving fan.
Here's my reasoning:
- Boys got some sweet hair.
- He plays the drums like a boss.
- His falsetto is like butter.
- He tries his best to dougie. And although it's a pathetic attempt, I respect his diligent efforts.
- Chris Brown is getting less and less appealing. It's time for me to move on. 
- He sang with Boyz 2 Men. Nuff said.
- His last name is ridiculously fun to say.

So Reader, obviously I am fully justified. Or, go with me here, "Justinfied"! I could go on for hours about my new love, but sadly I must go glue rhinestone hearts on literally everything I own. Do yourself a favor and just indulge in the Biebs. You know you secretly want to.

Til next time,
The Swampman

a filthy affair.

Dear Reader,
There are certain modern trends that boggle my mind. This is one such trend-

Why is it that almost every senior picture and engagement photo I have recently looked at has a disgusting background? It's as if people are locating the dirtiest places they can possibly find and using them to create an "artsy" atmosphere. Anyone else find this kind of, I dunno, gross? I've seen at least 10 wedding announcements where the couple is dramatically posing in a dusty, rundown, asbestos-filled building. Do you think they comprehend the amount of spores that were inhaled into their lungs during that auspicious occasion? Dear couple, enjoy dealing with Mesothelioma as you flip through your memory album.

Call me skeptical, but I just don't understand the artistic nature of grime. Perhaps people are in the mindset that if whats behind them is absolutely revolting, he/she/they will appear more clean and put together. I'll bet that in two years tops, people will start taking their engagement pictures in sewers and dumps. "Well gee sweetheart, this place looks filthy and stenchy.....It's perfect! Let's lay in moldy cabbage and used diapers to get that 'we're so super in love'  effect!" I'm sorry, unless Oscar the Grouch and that creepy hoarder lady from "The Labyrinth" have decided to tie the knot, this isn't appealing.

<--Insert well-dressed couple

What ever happened to lovely nature shots and classy vehicles? Art galleries and ice cream parlors? Book stores and coffee shops? Class has gone down the toilet. Literally. Nowadays, I wouldn't be surprised to receive a senior picture taken in a Taco Time men's room. Reader, join me in my endeavor to stop these "trashy" photos from being taken. Stop taking your pictures by muddy swamps, rusty cars, and old fiberglass factories. Together we can save the precious art of photography.

the ethel to my lucy.

Dear Reader,
It says in the scriptures to love thy neighbor as thyself. Whenever I hear this I immediately think of the cute pink house next door, and the brilliant 20 year old girl who lives there. Earlier this week she dedicated an absolutely beautiful post to me on her blog, and I would feel ungrateful if I didn't return the gesture.

Shauntel Ledora "Butterfingers" Byron, as I like to call her, has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. As little girls we pretended to be mermaids, ran numerous lemonade stands, became obsessed with the 80's, and had a secret club house that consisted of a hammock and a stump between our backyards. I treasure these innocent memories. As we grew into awkward preteens we came up with a motto- "We're freaks, we were made for each other." And right we were...

Our true natures came out at Girl's Camp, and those are by far my best memories with Shaunzi!

Shaunzi's always supported my copious amount of boy obsessions, and the drama that comes with it. She got excited for my happy moments, and comforted me in my sad ones. This picture is us at my boyfriend's track meet at 7 in the morning...what a pal :)

High school had it's ups and downs, but our bond only grew stronger because of it. Shaunzi was my go-to for everything. At times we were inseparable, and other times we knew we needed our space, but loved each other all the same. Oh, and we remained freaks.

As Shaunzi mentioned, the last few months of her senior year (my junior year) we hit a fork in the road and went our separate ways completely; barely speaking to each other. My heart had never felt so broken. At the time it seemed like the end of the world for me, but as usual it was a blessing in disguise. I learned how to really depend on God during my trials, and I ended up making a lot of new friends that summer. Shaunzi made tremendous leaps of her own at Utah State, and made the greatest friends in the world. The fates realigned the next spring, and the duo was back in business! Good thing too, because this is what was becoming of me without her...

Summer 2010 was a blast! We more than made up for lost time.

Then my time finally came to join her at USU. I had my doubts about remaining as close to her as I was, but God knew we needed each other. So besties we remained! And she graciously shared her incredible group of friends with me. I learned a lot more about her by being around them. Our crazy adventures of late nights, dance parties, Zumba, random drives, and of course Cafe Rio continued to bless our lives.

I can't thank Heavenly Father enough for allowing Shaunzi to be such a big part of my life. She is one of the only people that can bring out the emotional side of Samantha. She keeps me in check and constantly reminds me that I am of great worth. She tells me I'm pretty when I think I'm not, and tells me I'm hot when I know I am! I would rather spend time with her than almost anyone else. I used thesaurus.com to find a better word than FUN to sum up our relationship. Interestingly enough one of the synonyms was DIVERTING. So I decided that's our word. It not only means to provide enjoyment, it means to change course. I think Shaunzi and I have done our fair share of changing courses, but our paths can't help but cross. And I know they will continue crossing for the rest of our lives. I have the greatest best friend in the whole world. Go ahead and be jealous Reader.

~The slightly-softened-but-still-sarcastic-Swampman

sunny d and other shiz.

Dear Reader,
Friday was my last day of work at Millville Elementary for the school year. I managed to save my tears until I got in the car to drive home. Although my job was to help these kids learn and grow, I myself did a lot of learning and growing. I learned a greater measure of patience, kindness, responsibility, and to love people despite race or disability. I'm so grateful that I have a job that allows me to interact with the brilliant, innocent minds of children. A few kids in particular will be imprinted on my heart forever.

My summer-school teaching program doesn't begin until June 13th, which gives me an entire month off. Now my original plan was to conquer my ever-growing Summer bucket list...items including:

-Chug Sunny D while blasting Cat Stevens
-Get a henna tattoo
-Go skinny dipping
-Rent Aggie Bikes and ride all over Logan
-Protest with the Hippies on Fridays in front of the Tabernacle
-Speak in an Australian accent for a full 24 hours
-Go camping up Logan Canyon
-Clean the sink at Angie's
-Find a perfect climbing tree, and spend the whole day reading in it
-Master a margarita chicken recipe
-Learn Spanish
-Do a painting of the view from my window (A lovely stream surrounded by trees)
-Go on a date with an ethnic boy
-Go to the Farmer's Market every Saturday
-Play a game of catch in every park in Logan
-Hand out one pass-along card every week
-Completely avoid listening to Smash Mouth
-Take a trip to Ashton, ID and eat a Huckleberry Mountain at 511 Main
-Get my knee better so I can run in every Cache Valley canyon

Well Reader, instead I drove home today, planning on staying a few days, and made the command decision to stay here for the next few weeks. There is just something about being home in the Summer that just warms my heart. Doing yard work in the morning with my Dad while blasting Boston and CCR, singing around the piano with my Mom, hot tub chats and Cafe Rio trips with my best friend Shaunzi, and watching animal attack videos with my sister Maren. What more do I need? I feel quite spontaneous today. So spontaneous that I randomly cut my bangs straight across today after deciding to grow them out. Who knows what other crazy shiz I might do this week. Perhaps I'll adopt an emu or change my name to Harriet. Either way, my advice to you Reader is to do something unexpected today. Sing in your local Walmart, dance in an elevator, stick your tongue out at an old person, or maybe even grab that certain someone you've had your eye on and just kiss the crap out of them. The choice is yours.

-The Swampman

omg i'mma teenage girl.

Dear Reader,
This is what's up. The last few weeks have been some of the funnest of my life. The stress of finals paired with my health problems failed to ruin the last couple weeks of my freshman year. So suck on that! I found myself being overrun with amazing blessings. Some in the form of sunny days and free meals at Cafe Rio, and others in the form of amazing people.


One person in particular managed to severely brighten up my life. He made me feel like a 5 year old girl at Disneyland eating an $8 churro. Yeah, doesn't get much better than that. It's awesome when you find a friend that you just click with, ya know? Someone who you can carry on conversations about alligators with, skip rocks on the beach in the freezing cold rain, or order the same thing at Taco Bell at 11:00 p.m. And it never hurts if they look like an Abercrombie and Fitch model with melancholy eyes (just when you thought I wasn't shallow).

He's someone I honestly admire though. Dare I say, look up to. He's the most positive-minded person I've ever met. I don't think I caught him once without a glowing smile on his face. He is extremely service-oriented which he proved to me when he went out of his way to take care of me when I was sick AND helped me move my ridiculous amount of belongings out of my apartment. And did I mention the eyes? Dang. I'd be a lucky little lady to end up with someone half as incredible as him.

It would appear that my emotion-free criticizing blog has morphed into a "dear diary" entry. What can I say though? I'm a teenage girl. It's cute boys, Lady Gaga songs, and fat-free fro-yo that control me. The only agency I have left is which shade of red to paint my nails tonight (this chicks going with crimson).

Til next time Reader,
The Swampman

color me excited.

Dear Reader,
Redesigned? Why yes I did. I needed some virtual feng shui in my life. Knee update- Bursitis. Half marathon is out. I started physical therapy last week, but my PT said it will be another few weeks minimum before I will be able to run. In the mean time, I've dedicated my life to collecting money for less fortunate Jewish children living in Ukraine. Alright, let's get real, I've watched a bit too much Netflix and eaten a few too many cookies. But it's the thought that counts right?

Reader, I'm a woman of color. Not in a ethnic or racial way, because I'm seriously as white as they come. No, I'm a believer in color. And I live my life as such. Every morning I wake up to see what color God decided to paint the sky today. This morning in Logan his palette consists of Timberwolf, Charcoal, Manatee Gray, and a slight hint of Periwinkle. Um, It's April. Let's see some Cerulean and Cornflower dang it!

Now beyond appreciating the colors around me, I've gotten in the mindset that people are colors. You may feel like you were just thrust into the "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" music video. But bear with me. I don't believe that sounds have flavors, or smells have super powers. I simply have a way of comparing the personalities of people to my 120 pack of Crayola crayons. I myself am Robin's Egg Blue. Somewhat of a colder color that loves to be bright and reach out. It's almost contradictory, but then again, so am I.

People I don't like are automatically Jungle Green. Worst crayon ever. You think it's going to be this outstanding green when in reality it's a wimpy blue. I would have thrown it out years ago, but I keep it to remind me that even though I hate it, it's still a person. Uh, I mean a crayon. Getting the analogy? Oh stop, I'm not a genius. Just a little girl with crayons and a dream.

Here's a few more comparisons I've made-
Scarlet: Your go-to comfort friend. Trusty and inviting.
Beaver: Dull as oatmeal. Can't wait to leave their presence.
Caribbean Green: Confusing, and sometimes overly hyper.
Golden Rod: Difficult person to read.
Tickle Me Pink: Shy and innocent.
Magic Mint: Clean, organized, and business-like person.
Macaroni and Cheese: Hot, tall, blond boy on campus with dark rimmed glasses, a fab blue plaid shirt, and a glorious smile. Oddly specific.

Your challenge of today, Reader, is to figure out your color. Embrace it. And draw yourself a picture of something you truly enjoy with it! Cheerio!
-The Swampman